Now young man Daniel had troubles of his own, he had a gray cat that just wouldn't leave his home!

Just minutes ago, a member of my animal pack was taken away. I thought it only fitting to write something quick about the lone cat in a sea of dogs. When I moved into this apartment, it came with an outdoor cat that would not stop trying to get in; a cat who spent my first night here meowing until it went hoarse. Later I heard the whole story - that the cat had belonged to the previous owner, it was an indoor cat, and had gotten out and run away when the owner was in the process of moving. Now the owner was in New Zealand, and the cat had returned. Rumors circulated that friends of the owner were coming to get the cat, but they never showed.

I hardened my heart, having no intention whatsoever to taken in an animal and then worry about it while I was traveling around Tonga and the Pacific. Thus "Cat," the only name I allowed it, remained an outdoor animal was a fairly sad life. Cat displayed no survival instincts whatsoever, despite being surrounded by birds, chickens, geckos, and even lagoon fish that swim right at the surface. the puppies (seven of them) were initially scared and surrendered their food, until the realized the worse Cat would ever do was hiss while they took food from it. And they were quick to figure out how to get up to any high locale where the cat took its food.

That was in March. Fast-forward eight months. Cat is skinny, but apparently now skilled enough to catch slow and defenseless geckos. And today, the friends of the owner arrived to discuss something else with the landlord. They saw Cat, who I know now had been an indoor Persian long hair cat from New Zealand, the product of generations of breeding that had left it with no knowledge or skill about how to stop a month old puppy from taking its sheep ribs. Cat's Tongan adventure has ended, he/she is on to a better life, where it can be fat and happy. The gecko population can thrive once again.

Cat, able to enjoy a sunny nap with a puppy that will become its nemesis when the supper leftovers are tossed out.

Arachnophobia, anyone?

Whenever I see one of these very ominous spiders, my reaction is try not to look anxious, keep eye contact, toss him my wallet, and report the incident after I'm safe. I never think "hey, photo op." But an American in Tonga is braver then I, and this photo comes from her blog (thanks). If you don't have a healthy fear of spiders, you probably just haven't met the right one yet.

Faka-tonga

I can't believe I've been here ten months already. The school year especially has flown by. When I was a kid, a year of high school seemed to last two years at least. I suspect it's partly because I don't have to write the final exams anymore, just sit there and watch my students sweat.

With the rush of end-of-year review classes and exam prep, I haven't done much traveling. I have heard about boulders the size of two-story houses on the west coast, thrown there thousands of years ago by a massive tidal wave and now sprouting underbrush and palm trees. I plan to check it out in a week or two, when school officially ends.

In the meantime, I thought I'd write down some random observations about Tonga. To explain the title, faka-tonga is the "Tongan way." For example when something is schedule to start at 8pm but actually gets going around 9:30pm, people explain the delay by saying, "faka-tonga." There's also faka-palangi, which is the "European way" (including any western nation). Unfortunately there's no faka-canada, probably because there are about only (in my estimation) three Canadians in all of Tonga, and 2 Tongans in all of Canada. But there is faka-samoa, which means going shirtless (I guess they do that in Samoa), something frowned upon (to the point that it is against the law) in Tonga. And there is faka-suva (Suva being the capital of Fiji), which refers to living as husband and wife without being married. I chalk that one up to the old friendly rivalry between everyone in the Pacific and Fiji.

I've found that the nickname "Friendly Islands" is well earned (though Captain Cook was unaware of the locals' plot to kill him, when he thought it up). Tongans rival Canadians in politeness and hospitality. In fact, possibly more so, thanks to a cultural tendency to "save face" and avoid embarrassment at all costs. In a possibly not so fictional example, I could mispronounce a student's name for a whole year without knowing it, before realizing my mistake and being told the student didn't want to embarrass me by correcting me. This means that embarrassing a Tongan is an equal faux-pas, and you must take care in how you react to any mistake (receiving the wrong amount of change, for example).

Fish makes up a surprisingly small percentage of Tongan cuisine (unlike Fijian dishes). Local products have been replaced by exports from overseas (mainly New Zealand). The diet is high in corned beef, mutton (called sipi in Tongan, which I purposefully mispronounce as "sheepy"), and processed foods like those packets of Mr. Noodles we ate dry as kids. There is one local dish that's a spicy raw fish salad which is fantastic. Traditionally, especially on Sundays, food is cooked for hours in underground ovens (umu) while Tongans attend Church. They return home to massive family feasts and then nap for hours, a tradition I have embraced whole heartedly. It is illegal to do business on a Sunday, and any kind of physical work (or even music) should be kept for a minimum. It is certainly the quietest day of the week, and on Sunday afternoons streets are typically devoid of cars. I sometimes bike downtown, which resembles an old west ghost town (or a post apocalyptic zombie town at twilight).

Fruit has seasons in countries like Tonga, apparently, which is no fun at all. I miss getting fresh fruit from Florida when you can't get it from Mexico, with year-round greenhouses to fill in the gaps. I've now gone through the seasons of avocado, papaya, mandarin oranges, and have recently entered mango season, eagerly anticipating the return of avocados. Bananas and coconuts, though, seem to grow year-round.

As for wildlife, Tonga has doesn't have much of unique interest. The only local mammal is a kind of fruit bat. But not those tiny mouse-sized ones in the night cave at the Toronto Zoo. These fruit bats are HUGE, freaky huge. Bruce Wayne wouldn't need one of these to crash through his window to decide they'd strike fear into the hearts of criminals. Around nightfall When I bike to school to teach night study classes, these bats wake and fill the sky, an incredible sight. Unfortunately on my camera they're just undefined black blobs, and I've decided a picture doesn't do the sight justice. The only reptile (or whatever it is) is the gecko, whose behaviour is a constant source of entertainment. Fortunately none of those snakes that plague Australia. And of course, there are rats and cockroaches. My house kills cockroaches, which has me vaguely concerned, since I thought they were supposed to outlive all humans following a nuclear apocalypse. A cockroach that infiltrates my walls will be found dead on the floor in the morning, making me wonder if there's asbestos or lead paint or rat poison or something equally alarming. Oh, there are also black and yellow spiders the size of your palm that make my heart stop, but are deemed "completely harmless" by locals. I was once sitting on my couch when one skittered past, coming from the direction of the bathroom. I now take a good look behind the toilet before I...you know.

The weather is, ya ya, fantastic. It's what I expected when I imagined a Pacific island, it seems to cycle from hot and sunny, to warm and sunny, to cool and sunny, rinse with a cyclone and repeat. There's underwater volcano activity, and I've sat through about three earthquakes as a result. They were all the kind where you realize its an earthquake after about ten seconds, but its not shaky enough to have you run for a door frame. Because of the way the closest techtonic plate is moving (it's pulling away from Tonga instead of pushing towards, or something like that), tidal waves are not the typical result. This is especially lucky for me, because I heard that you're supposed to "seek higher ground" in the event of a tidal wave. This island is completely flat, and has about two buildings that are higher then one story, so that's not really an option. My backup solution is to tie a rope from my waist to a palm tree, and hold my breath.


In less then sixty days, my family will be coming to visit (for a week, before we go to New Zealand together). I've had to stop telling locals that my "family" is coming, and instead say, "my parents and sister," as they always assumed that by family I mean my wife and kids, because here in Tonga, how could I be in my late twenties and not have at least two kids by now!? Faka-tonga!

Y'arr! Some Nautical History o' Tonga

Avast ye! If ye be wantin' to go to Tonga an ye don't be wantin' to end up in Davy Jones' Locker, then ye best be learnin' some Tongan history. And today bein International Talk Like A Pirate Day, what better time me thinks to teach it.

Tonga earned her wee spot in the history o' mutineers by chance. Tho' the tale would be told again an' again, few would know at whose isles, arrrrrr, the famous events be takin' place. I speak o' course o' Captain William Bligh and the mutiny aboard the HMS Bounty!

After but five short months in the pleasure lands o' Tahiti, cap't Bligh was itchin ta set sail. Deserting crew were recaptured, the blasted bucaneers! They were but flogged, instead a gettin thier due an' dancin the knotted jig. On the'r way to the West Indies, the crew chose to mutiny, curse their hides. Bligh an' eighteen loyal men t'were set adrift in an open boat wit but a wee bit o' supplies, never deliverin' a lash of the cat o' nine tails to their treacherous mates.

Luckily for them, t'was In the Tongan Ha'apai group, arrrrr, off the coast o fiery Tofua, where the treacherous sea dogs did the deed. "Why, shiver me timbers," Bligh said, "These here lands t'were named the 'Friendly Isles' by none other than me matey Captain Cook not 12 years past!" Bligh landed at Tofua to meet them friendly landlubbers. He would later be namin' the landing point "Murderers' Cove," and be thankful he lost none more than Quartermaster Norton to t' savages. Havin' not time to use the head, much less load rations, an' havin entirely missed the freshwater lake in Tofua's volcanic boosom, Bligh and his men were forced ta cast off.

Thanks be to the Powers, the brave souls would survive their 47-moon voyage without a visit to Fiddlers Green. An in tha year 1791 the HMS Pandora would be visitin' Tonga, searching for them treacherous Bounty mutineers. By then they had settled on Pitcairn Island. After a brief stop to see their lasses in Tahiti, of course, yo-ho.

214 Days and Nights

Well, I've been here seven months, which makes Tonga the country outside of Canada I've lived the longest in (over Afghanistan by a month). So, I think its time for a little reflection on life in Tonga vs life in Canada.

Things I miss about Canada:

Real coffee. If you offer me coffee, I don't want to see you reaching for a jar of crystals on the shelf. That isn't coffee, that's astronaut food. You know that person who says, "I can't believe they opened another Tim Hortons in [city/town/across the street from a Tim Hortons]."? Send that person to Tonga so I can smack him.

Paved roads. Wow I took that for granted, even the roads at KAF were better than here. I complained about construction bumps on the Queensway, well try every excursion from point A to point B as an off-roading adventure (though on a bike, which helps). And you had better hope it didn't rain the night before, because then you can add river crossings to your trip.

Leash laws. The SPCA. Or, maybe any law or any organization that has something to do with controlling animals? That would be nice. The only canine control here is hungry Tongans. Which is not a joke, it's Pacific culture reality.

A public library. Even Chapters (with a Starbucks that serves real coffee, of course). Living in a country that burned down their only bookstore, you start to realize how much you took your access to literature for granted.


Things I don't miss about Canada:

Anonymity. It's fun being a rock star every day, and the only "European" in a school of over 1000 people, and having people I've never met yell out, "malo Taniela" when I bike by. I bet it'll be boring being just a regular guy again back in Canada.